JayarJackson

1.                  Sports are so important to us fans, we go out of our way to completely discredit the existence of the other team.

 I was at the college basketball Pac-10 tournament at the Staples Center for the semi-final round game between my alma mater USC Trojans and the hated UCLA “Ruins” from Bel Air, not L.A.  My friend and I were pleasantly seated in the middle of a bunch of UCLA fans, and right next to their band.  The sweet sounds of our own beloved band were all the way on the other side of the court.  Since both USC and UCLA are so close, we know each other’s fight songs and stupid cheers.  (Well, UCLA’s stupid cheers).  Every time they began their chants or cheers in unison with the band, we few Trojans had to make sure we sat still, didn’t even tap our feet to the constant sound we’re familiar with, but hate to hear.  If you courageously, disrespectfully, and loudly talk the kind of trash about the other team the way we did, you have to stand strong. 

 

During one timeout, a UCLA fan directly in front of me caught herself giving our band a few claps and head nods as the superior sound was so excellent she probably couldn’t help it.  With hundreds of her fellow supporters around her, she quickly caught herself, locked her arms, and APOLOGIZED for the egregious taboo.  All I could do was laugh to myself and think, “Yeah girl, you like it, FIGHT ON!” 

 

2.                  You’re getting old; it’s a lot less painful if you just accept it.

I live on a quiet street in L.A.  Yeah, I know that’s an oxymoron, but it’s as quiet as it gets if you’re used to loud streets in L.A.  A few months ago, I spotted a car going about 60 mph or more down my street and my mouth dropped.  Three old-man thoughts immediately rushed into my mind. 

a.         “There’s kids playing on this street, you could kill somebody!” 

b.         “This ain’t the freeway, what the hell are you in such a rush for?  There’s a stop sign 20 feet ahead anyway!!” 

c.         “Where are the police when you really need them??” 

Upon getting out of my car, I realized what a horrible thing I had done by just thinking these things that I always placed with the gentlemen that are 70+ years old.  So I did what I had to do in order to cleanse myself; I ran inside, played video games all day and drank on a Tuesday afternoon.  Don’t call me a grumpy old man; let’s just say I’ve matured! 

That’s all I’ve got for this week.  Just remember, even the Bruins love USC and don’t fight time, it’s gonna happen.  You’ll only make yourself look old by stressing about it. 

1.                  Good looking women merge into traffic a lot more easily than I do. 

When I’m in traffic where construction has pushed three lanes into one, about 100 feet from a long stop light that includes a left turn signal and three lanes of opposing traffic, no one feels like letting anyone else in front of them since there’s only been 2 feet of movement in 15 minutes.  Although I still don’t have too much trouble bullying my way into a place that I deserve to have, there’s plenty of drivers that simply put their fate in the hands of a “nice-guy” that lets them in. 

This is a futile strategy that will lose you valuable spots, unless you’re a P.Y.T. in a cute little Mini Cooper.  Just look for the Mustang GTs, high rise pickup trucks, and old school muscle cars; these fellas will part the sea like Moses…all for YOU, young lady.  Guys are such suckers, what do we expect to get for our trouble?  A quick wave from a freshly manicured hand out of the window.  “Yeah, she’s diggin’ me!” 

2.                  I don’t think people other than Black folks say “hello” to people on the street that they don’t know.

Maybe it’s just me, but although no one has ever told me to do so, when I’m walking down the street and I walk past another Black person and we make eye contact I’m more prone to say “hi, what’s up, or how are you doin” than if they are of any other race.  Yes, I speak to anyone, but it’s almost automatic if they’re Black.  If my fellow Black man doesn’t say hello back, I feel that this guy either didn’t get the memo that I got, or he just doesn’t like the look on my face.  I’ve never noticed a couple of Japanese folks looking almost obligated to speak when they’ve never seen each other in their lives, why do I do it? 

3.                  If there’s no such thing as intelligent life anywhere else in the universe, that is the biggest waste of space of all time. 

That’s all I have to say. 

1.      Track #6 on every CD is ALWAYS a good song. 

On just about every good album, ones that have more than just 2 good songs, you have your overplayed single that gets all the radio time but there is always the best song on the album that no one knows about.  They always reserve track 6 for this song.  And when I say always, I mean enough times for me to notice. 

2.      I bet police give out more speeding and reckless driving tickets at the beginning of summer, on Saturday evenings as people are just going out, and when the radio DJ is on fire. 

You ever see that one guy on the highway that went by you so fast that you checked your speedometer and thought you must be getting old and should be in the slow lane?  Don’t worry, it’s not you, his favorite song is on the radio and he actually caught it from the beginning.  There is something about a good song combined with good weather that adds ten pounds to your foot on the gas pedal.  Swerving through traffic, weaving in and out of lanes, it’s just a dance with other drivers to the beat.  If I get pulled over for doing this, I’ll just tell the cops, “Hey, Kanye’s new joint just came on…it’s not my fault.”

3.      When women have Oscar parties, why don’t their husbands/boyfriends want to join the party just to have people over?

In most cases, when an obsessed football guy plants himself on the couch in front of his beloved HD TV every Sunday for 17+ weeks, he’s only surrounded by a couple of his boys and a couple of his beers.  His woman avoids this situation like the plague, she doesn’t want to hear him yell at refs all day or listen to him try to explain the ins and outs of the rules AGAIN just so that she can understand why he gets so upset.  And she definitely doesn’t want to put up with his drunk friends either, especially the “one” that she always catches looking at her the wrong way, but her man will never believe it.  

When the Super Bowl rolls around, she’s there in full support, there to throw the best Super Bowl party she can imagine.  Football shaped ice cubes, fancy hors d'oeuvres that get smashed when the first big play happens.  She puts up with this trouble not for the pageantry of the game, but for the excitement of a good spirited party, and the commercials, of course. 

Since most football guys don’t watch the regular season of awards shows with such deep interest, if any at all, why don’t they get into the act when the Super Bowl of awards shows, the Oscars comes on?  All of his woman’s girlfriends in the living room, drinking beer and slamming their feet on the expensive coffee table while he tries to make sure the party is still going and everyone is fed.  Even though the rules aren’t complicated, he’ll still never understand why it is so important to have the best dress.  All the guys are wearing the same damn tux! 

--JJJ