1.                  Guys are so irrationally freaky when it comes to their fantasies; we don’t realize that some of what we dream about making a reality is simply INCEST!

 Girls Gone Wild, a couple of female college roommates making out for the first time, Katy Perry’s song, “I Kissed a Girl.”  We fellas have an obsession with women hooking up for reasons beyond my understanding.  Although few like to admit it, most of us are illogically drawn to these displays of exhibitionism simply because we think that eventually, the girls will soon invite us in on the action.  Now, if these women are actually the lesbians that men drool over and are actually into each other, why would they want to invite a guy in on their intimacy?  When we’re hooking up with a girl we’re interested in, do our minds begin to think, “Hmm, this would be much better if another guy was nibbling on my ear.”  Despite the rare cases that this fantasy becomes a reality, we double our bet and think, “Wouldn’t it be even hotter if I hooked up with twins?” 

To that increasingly idiotic thought I realized that if this were to come true, we’d be witnessing and contributing to incest, or in this case, “twincest!”    

Why is it so hot to imagine jumping in the middle of a couple of Asian twins, but so nasty to think about a brother and sister hooking up?  Because the majority of my fellow man are helpless imbeciles, that’s why.  So before you try to talk a cute set of Swedish twins into illicit behavior, imagine kissing your twin brother. 

 

2.                  Looking for a roommate feels like an even more uncomfortable personal ad, trying to attract someone through cyber space. 

Living in the expensive city of Los Angeles almost always requires having a roommate unless you’ve hit the ground running with enough money to foot the bill yourself or you’re highly successful at an early age.  With so much relocating throughout the city amongst us young folks, roommates come and go with great regularity.  Now that my last roommate is moving out, I’ve found myself searching for a new roommate the random way.  While there are plenty of search tools like roommates.com and craigslist.org, the information we put out there about ourselves is probably very similar to something people put on match.com. 

As I wrote about my situation and what kind of place I’m offering to share, I couldn’t help but to try to sell myself as a great person, an excellent roommate that is positive, fun-loving, and sociable.  With the competition writing witty phrases about how they should be chosen, I felt obligated to convince all those strangers that I’m the best pick out of the thousands they might come across.  Pictures seem to help but so many questions arise: “Should I even include a picture?  And if I do, why am I including a picture?  What are they looking for when they see me?  Why am I even checking out what my potential new roommate looks like?  Wait, why is HE including a picture of himself?  As I stare at this dude online at work, do my co-workers think I’m perusing men online?  When I look at a picture of a potential female roommate, what am I looking for?  Cute, but not my style?  Maybe ugly so that if she drops her towel as I’m heading to the bathroom, there won’t be any awkwardness. 

Oh forget it, I’ll just pay the whole rent and not eat, I hear having the liberty of walking around in the nude is exhilarating! 



--JJJ

 


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