1.                  I realize this is morbid, but in preparation for an unexpected and sudden death, shouldn’t people make sure their house and surroundings are clean so that everyone’s last impression of them won’t be remembered as dirty? 

Fine, I watch too much A&E, too much real life murder drama like The First 48 and Forensic Files, and drug and alcohol disaster documentaries like Intervention.  Still, every time the homicide detectives walk into an apartment to find a person that has been murdered or even passed away of seemingly natural causes, their surroundings are immediately searched and analyzed, THOROUGHLY!  In the house of a person that lives alone, it is obvious that their comfort level is immense, possibly leaving some of the mess of life scattered a bit longer than a person with roommates or family around. 

Maybe it was a stressful and busy week at work, maybe they just had a get together and they hadn’t had sufficient time to pick up everything before their untimely death interrupted the cleaning process.  No one will ever know now that they can’t say to unexpected company, “I’m sorry for the mess, I’m really not this disorganized.”  You even get the opportunity to invite friends over again to a clean and Pine Sol-fragranced abode.

Your mother always told you to wear clean underwear, since you’ll never know if you may end up in the hospital with embarrassing streak marks due to unintended circumstances.  This is just a more extreme and gruesome warning: Sweetheart, just in case you ever catch a burglar in your house and you happen to lose the fight in the struggle for your life, wash your toilet, vacuum your floors, and clean your sheets, REGULARLY!  You don’t want your friends and family to think you were a nasty ass, there’s no coming back from that eternal judgment. 

 

2.                  When people sing love songs, (or hate songs) by the opposite sex, they have to replace the “he” with “she” or vice versa.

I like to relate to some of the songs that I enjoy listening to.  Sure, when slow jams come on and the deep voiced DJ on the radio won’t stop talking between every song using uncomfortable terms like, “Baby Making Music” I get in the mood to (badly) sing.  So when a good song comes on that makes me say, “This is my jam” every now and then it happens to have been made by a woman…singing about a man. 

Yeah, the song sounds great and has some great vocals that I’m singing along with, but once she gets to singing about how “HE draws me in, making ME powerless,” it’s time to modify those inaccurate lyrics on the fly.  So without missing a beat, the lyrics change to “I draw her in, SHE’S powerless.”  Ain’t nobody gonna be thinking I’m singing about some dude making me powerless!!! 

Think this is just a pigheaded man thing?  Naw, I’ve heard women from my sisters to Blu Cantrell changing lyrics to fit their gender and sexual orientation.  When Usher sang, “You remind me of a girl that I once knew,” Blu’s verse had to go the opposite. 

Sometimes even the masters of music and songwriting need a little editing applied to their lyrics when the most accurate words to come out of my mouth are on the line.  Think about it, you’ve done it, too! 

--JJJ

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