1.                  Forget the “Middle Child” complex.  The oldest and youngest children of families have reason to worry that they were the “accident.”

I’m the youngest of a family of 5 children.  While growing up, there were no typical characteristics that haunted the middle child of the family, so I don’t know how that is such a prominent character of family life.  What does this middle child have to be so weird about?  They have no worry in the world…they can be sure that they were not the possible accident child of the family!  The two children that get the most secure characteristics as the “oldest” and the “youngest” actually have the most to question as they get older and see the world differently. 

The oldest child can wonder, “Was I conceived in the back seat of a 1975 Cutlass?  Was I the reason Mom and Dad got married…so that he would make a respectable lady out of her?”  Did Grandpa tell him, “You got her pregnant, now you’re going to marry my Little Girl!” 

On the other hand, the youngest can seriously consider that their parents were happy with the number of kids they had, but had one more irresponsible night while on vacation and the other kids were finally old enough to stay in other rooms.  Maybe they can wonder, “Was I a vacation baby?  Did the brochures filled with crystal waters and exquisite views spark a flame that my parents hadn’t felt in a while?  Oh, so THAT’S why Dad told me never to use Lifestyles…those things don’t work when you need them to!” 

You middle children have it easy, there’s the safety and security of older and younger siblings surrounding you like airbags and bumpers on a family minivan. 

 

2.                  When did the cars on "The Price Is Right" stop being the best prize??

Starting at age 5 when driving was such a distant reality, watching the Price Is Right still had you hoping for Rod Roddy to scream “A NEW CAR!!” as the double doors slid open, imagining that you could play the game right and win a car of your own.  As I sit as a grown ass man watching Drew Carey and some sane-looking announcer giving away cash and prizes, I realized that the irrational thought of winning something on The Price Is Right has transitioned from those ugly, base-model cars to vacations and living room sets.  I don’t even hope for the showcase to include TWO cars the way it did about once/year.  What the hell am I going to do with two cars?  “Pass that showcase and hope for the spa, HDTV, full kitchen, and vacation to the Netherlands!”

So as I sit on my used, worn couch that my ex-girlfriend’s punk ass cats scratched holes into, those packages of couches, loveseats, and televisions become much more valuable.  I wish Drew Carey would let me win that; I’m not going to spend all that money on a new living room set…I just bought this expensive car!!  Who needs a green base model Ford Mustang with cloth seats, slower engine, and no rear spoiler, I didn’t pick that out!

 

--JJJ

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